Here's the thing about "Would You Rather" questions online — most of them are terrible. You've seen them. "Would you rather eat pizza or sushi?" "Would you rather go to the beach or the mountains?" They're the conversational equivalent of small talk at a work party.
This list is different. Or at least, it's trying to be.
My partner and I have played Would You Rather probably a hundred times over the last few years — long car rides, at the kitchen table when neither of us wanted to cook, in bed when we should have been sleeping. The best rounds weren't the silly ones about food. They were the ones that made one of us pause and say "oh wait, let me think about that."
So that's what I tried to do here. Four tiers, increasing in weight. Start shallow, go as deep as you want. For something more structured and academically-rooted, there's always the 36 questions Arthur Aron designed.
How to Actually Play This Game (Beyond "Answer A or B")
Quick rules, because some of you are going to jump straight to the questions: (If you're in the mood for action instead of questions, browse 50 dare ideas — some land in similar territory.)
Each question must be answered. No "both." No "neither." No philosophical dodging. The point of Would You Rather is that it forces a choice — and the choice reveals something.
After your partner answers, ask why. Not accusatory. Just curious. This is where 80% of the value lives. The answer is rarely the interesting part. The reasoning is.
Take turns. Don't let one person be the asker for the whole night. You both need to be exposed.
Okay. Let's get into it.
Tier 1: The Warm-Up (Silly, Playful, Light)
Start here. These questions are for laughs. Nothing on the line. Great for the first 20 minutes to get loose.
- Would you rather never be able to listen to music again, or never be able to watch movies again?
- Would you rather always have to whisper or always have to shout?
- Would you rather have unlimited vacation days but a boring job, or a dream job but only two weeks off a year?
- Would you rather be fluent in every language but never able to lie, or know every secret in the world but never be able to share any of them?
- Would you rather have the ability to fly (slowly) or become invisible (only sometimes)?
- Would you rather live in a world without coffee or a world without chocolate?
- Would you rather always feel slightly too warm or slightly too cold?
- Would you rather eat the same meal three times a day for the rest of your life but love it, or eat different food every day but half of it is mediocre?
- Would you rather get stuck in a rainstorm every single time you go outside, or have permanent static in your hair?
- Would you rather live without the internet or without air conditioning?
- Would you rather have the ability to remember everything you've ever read, or forget one terrible memory of your choice?
- Would you rather be really good at one sport or pretty okay at every sport?
- Would you rather have a personal chef or a personal massage therapist on call 24/7?
- Would you rather time travel 100 years into the past or 100 years into the future?
- Would you rather wear the same outfit every day for a year or have to pick a completely new outfit every single day (no repeats)?
- Would you rather have dinner with your favorite celebrity or your favorite fictional character?
- Would you rather speak every language or play every instrument?
- Would you rather always be 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late?
- Would you rather live in the middle of a city or completely alone in the woods?
- Would you rather have the ability to talk to animals or plants?
- Would you rather eat a spoonful of cinnamon or drink a whole lemon's juice?
- Would you rather own a dragon or be a dragon?
- Would you rather never have to sleep again or never have to eat again?
- Would you rather have unlimited money but no friends, or great friends but always be broke?
- Would you rather be the funniest person in the room or the smartest?
Notice how most of these don't really matter. That's the point. You're warming up the muscle.
Tier 2: Getting Personal (Preferences, Values, Small Stakes)
Now we're moving into territory where the answer actually tells you something. Still comfortable, but starting to matter.
- Would you rather your partner be really good at cooking or really good at fixing things around the house?
- Would you rather date someone who's always on time but forgets small details, or someone who's always thoughtful but chronically late?
- Would you rather plan every vacation down to the hour or wing it entirely?
- Would you rather spend Saturday night at a loud party or at home watching a movie?
- Would you rather live in a beautiful apartment in a noisy city or a boring apartment in a perfect small town?
- Would you rather receive a handwritten letter or a thoughtful gift?
- Would you rather argue loudly and resolve things fast, or avoid conflict and talk it through later?
- Would you rather have a job you love with a small salary, or a boring job that pays really well?
- Would you rather travel to 10 countries briefly or live in one country for 5 years?
- Would you rather read the book or watch the movie version first?
- Would you rather wake up at 5am or stay up until 3am?
- Would you rather have a really close group of 3 friends or a big social circle of 20?
- Would you rather be told you're funny or told you're smart?
- Would you rather know when you're going to die or how you're going to die?
- Would you rather have your partner surprise you with a gift, or pick it out yourself and know exactly what you want?
- Would you rather go camping for a weekend or stay at a fancy hotel?
- Would you rather own a boat or a second home in the mountains?
- Would you rather have a partner who's extremely romantic but bad at practical things, or practical but not very romantic?
- Would you rather have your partner be really close to their family or have independence from theirs?
- Would you rather host gatherings at your home or always be the guest?
The "why" here matters more. Most of these expose tiny differences in how you each move through the world.
Tier 3: Actual Relationship Questions
Now we're in real territory. These are the ones that might actually start a conversation you've been avoiding.
- Would you rather have a partner who says "I love you" a hundred times a day, or one who shows it through actions but rarely says it?
- Would you rather your partner be honest about something that'll hurt you, or lie to protect your feelings?
- Would you rather fight once a month loudly, or feel annoyed every day but never bring it up?
- Would you rather know all of your partner's past, or only know the future version of them?
- Would you rather move for your partner's career, or have them move for yours?
- Would you rather spend every evening together but have boring conversations, or spend evenings apart but have deep conversations when you reunite?
- Would you rather be told "I'm proud of you" or "I'm obsessed with you" more often?
- Would you rather have your partner know every single thought you've ever had, or never know any of them?
- Would you rather your partner's ex still be in their life as a friend, or be completely cut off?
- Would you rather be the one who loves more, or the one who is loved more?
- Would you rather lose five years of memories with your partner, or know your relationship will end in five years?
- Would you rather have an incredible emotional connection but mediocre physical chemistry, or amazing chemistry but a weaker emotional bond?
- Would you rather your partner stop doing one annoying habit, or start doing one new thing you love?
- Would you rather your partner be more affectionate in public or more affectionate in private?
- Would you rather hear your partner's most critical thought about you, or their most generous thought about you?
- Would you rather they always say exactly what you want to hear, or always say what they actually think?
- Would you rather have a relationship with zero fights but also less passion, or a relationship with more fights but also more passion?
- Would you rather know your partner's deepest fear, or their deepest desire?
- Would you rather your partner love you 10% less than they do but love themselves more, or love you exactly as much but struggle with their self-worth?
- Would you rather have a surprise date night every week with no input, or plan all your dates together but they're exactly what you want?
A warning here: Tier 3 questions can open real conversations. If one of you answers something unexpected, don't shut it down. Lean in. Ask why. Stay with the discomfort for a minute and see what happens.
Tier 4: Deep Dive (Only If You're Ready)
These are the ones that don't really have a "fun" answer. They're questions designed to surface things. Most couples will only do a couple of these in one sitting, and that's fine.
- Would you rather stay together forever in a good-but-not-great relationship, or break up and hope you find something better?
- Would you rather your partner read all of your old journals, or all of your old text messages?
- Would you rather never meet your partner's parents, or have them meet yours too early?
- Would you rather forgive your partner for something big without understanding why, or fully understand it but never quite let it go?
- Would you rather discover your partner has been lying about something small for years, or something big that just happened?
- Would you rather grow old together apart (like in different cities but committed), or grow apart together?
- Would you rather fix one regret from your past or change one thing about your current relationship?
- Would you rather your partner be alive and not love you anymore, or have them love you forever but lose them?
- Would you rather be the reason your partner grows, or the reason they feel safe?
- Would you rather your partner tell you something painful now, or keep it inside forever?
- Would you rather know exactly how your relationship ends, or know the single happiest moment still to come?
- Would you rather be told you're your partner's first choice, or their soulmate?
- Would you rather have a relationship that feels like home, or one that feels like an adventure?
- Would you rather be needed by your partner or wanted by them?
- Would you rather your partner always be completely truthful with you, even if it means they tell you things you didn't want to know?
- Would you rather your relationship end because of something you did, or something they did?
- Would you rather be with someone who makes you laugh every day, or someone who makes you think every day?
- Would you rather your partner love you exactly as you are, or push you to become someone better?
- Would you rather have a relationship people envy but isn't quite real, or a relationship no one notices but is the realest thing in your life?
- Would you rather be forgotten by your partner in your twilight years, or be remembered by them vividly after they've passed?
Look at the last one. Go ahead, answer it. Notice what comes up in your chest. That's the point.
Tier 5: Hypothetical Time Machine (For Established Couples)
These require some context — couples who've been together a while, who can look backward and forward at the same time. Not for new relationships.
- Would you rather meet your partner 10 years earlier, or have them meet you 10 years later?
- Would you rather relive the first six months of your relationship, or the most recent six months?
- Would you rather know what you know now at 18, or have never learned the lessons your past relationships taught you?
- Would you rather stay together through hard times by sheer will, or through genuine love that never wavers?
- Would you rather have three big fights a year that clear the air, or dozens of tiny ones that never quite get resolved?
- Would you rather be married at 25 and divorced at 40, or married at 40 and together forever?
- Would you rather have kids and never travel much, or travel the world together and never have kids?
- Would you rather re-experience the day you met, or re-experience the day you first said "I love you"?
- Would you rather your partner's younger self meet your current self, or your younger self meet their current self?
- Would you rather have had all your current memories but a different partner, or have your current partner but not remember any of your history together?
- Would you rather build a life together from scratch somewhere new, or stay exactly where you are and deepen what you have?
- Would you rather know every single choice your partner almost made differently (different partner, different city, different career), or never know any of it?
- Would you rather be the reason your partner's younger self would be proud of who they became, or the reason they would be surprised?
- Would you rather have one perfect year with your partner that you remember forever, or fifty okay years you mostly forget?
- Would you rather hear your partner's answer to every question on this list, or have them hear yours?
That last one is the trap. Almost everyone wants to hear theirs more than they want to be heard. Notice that about yourself.
Bonus Tier: 50 Bite-Sized Extras
For when you want more questions but don't need anything heavy. Great for road trips, waiting at restaurants, or those awkward 15 minutes before you both fall asleep.
- Would you rather have a pet dragon or a pet phoenix?
- Would you rather never use the internet on weekends or never use it after 6pm?
- Would you rather be really good at singing or really good at dancing?
- Would you rather always wear hiking boots or always wear flip-flops?
- Would you rather always know what time it is without looking, or always know what direction you're facing?
- Would you rather live by the ocean or in the mountains?
- Would you rather eat breakfast food or dinner food for every meal?
- Would you rather be able to teleport one mile, or fly at jogging speed?
- Would you rather always be slightly underdressed or always slightly overdressed?
- Would you rather work from home every day or commute one hour to an amazing office?
- Would you rather have a photographic memory or a perfect sense of direction?
- Would you rather win a lottery of $10,000 every month for life, or $10 million right now?
- Would you rather be able to speak to ghosts or to future versions of yourself?
- Would you rather never age physically after 30, or always have perfect health until the day you die?
- Would you rather sleep 4 hours a night but feel fully rested, or sleep 10 hours and always feel a bit groggy?
- Would you rather your house be cleaned automatically every night, or your laundry done automatically?
- Would you rather learn a new instrument or a new language?
- Would you rather have an extra hour every morning or an extra hour every evening?
- Would you rather be able to change the color of anything you own, or change the smell of anything you're near?
- Would you rather read ten books per year or watch 100 movies?
- Would you rather always have coffee breath or always have garlic breath?
- Would you rather give up social media forever or give up streaming services?
- Would you rather sing in front of 1,000 strangers or one person you respect deeply?
- Would you rather your pets could talk or your plants could move?
- Would you rather be surprised with breakfast in bed or surprised with a clean house?
How to Make This Game Actually Memorable
A few things I've learned from playing this too many times:
The setup matters more than the questions. A Would You Rather session on a sunny Saturday morning is completely different from one at 1 AM after a bottle of wine. Neither is wrong. Just know which mood you're in before you start.
Don't rush through them. The worst way to play is to go down a list like you're taking a quiz. Pick one question. Answer. Then actually talk about it for five minutes. Then pick the next one. A good session covers maybe 10-15 questions and takes an hour.
Let your partner finish. I used to interrupt with my own answer as soon as they started. Don't. Their answer is a small glimpse into their interior life — treat it like something worth hearing fully.
Notice what they don't say. Sometimes the most interesting thing is what your partner refuses to answer, or how quickly they answer certain questions, or which ones make them think for a long time. Pay attention to the shape of their response, not just the content.
Questions to Avoid
I'm going to be honest about what I intentionally left out:
Nothing about exes. "Would you rather your partner had dated fewer people?" Yeah, that's a landmine disguised as a game. These questions almost always end badly. Your current partner can't change their past, and poking at it doesn't produce anything useful.
Nothing designed to make someone insecure. "Would you rather your partner be more attractive or smarter?" This is a trap. It sets up a comparison neither answer can win. Skip these.
Nothing that requires choosing between family members. "Would you rather only see your mom or your dad for the rest of your life?" Too heavy for a game. Save that for a real conversation with a therapist nearby.
Nothing with hidden agendas. If you find yourself asking a Would You Rather question that's really a veiled accusation, just... have the conversation instead. Games work best when both people are having fun, not when one is being interrogated.
One Last Thing
Would You Rather is a small game. It doesn't solve anything big. It won't save a bad relationship, and it can't improve a great one all by itself.
What it can do is give you a structure for actually paying attention to your partner for an hour. That's rarer than it sounds. Most couples don't spend many hours a month genuinely attending to each other's inner lives. Distracted hours, yes. Tired hours, sure. But focused, curious, undistracted hours? Almost never.
That's what this list is for. Not to "play a game." To create an excuse to sit across from your partner and notice them.
Pick ten questions. Make two cups of tea. Don't check your phone. See what happens.
Want more than just Would You Rather? Unravel has 4,800 truth or dare questions across 4 intimacy levels — built for couples who want deeper conversations, not just party-game fluff.
Start Playing